2021 Review, 2022 Vision

As we say goodbye to 2021, I knew I needed to do a wrap up and reflection, but I didn't want it to be just emotional because I had a rough year. The process of reminiscing and going into why things happened is emotional as hell, and it was pretty painful but I wanted to focus more on the gratitude for the lessons. I actually got this 10 day Self Discovery Challenge from Tiktok creator @selfdiscoverwithme where every day you reflect on a different aspect. I really enjoyed this process as it forces you to go deep and actually think about not just the events, but the causes behind the events, which are the gaps between where you currently are, and your ideal self concept. I'll be honest, I didn't finish it until the end of January 2022 but I resolved to finish it and I did.

Day 1: Best and Worst Moments

This day's exercise was to make a list with two columns for best and worst moments

Best Moments

I actually went through my photo gallery to reflect on these moments. The ones that stuck out that were my 2021 Christmas ornament highlights were finishing my MBA and meeting my person. However, there were so many other amazing moments. I started 2021 on New Year's Day by visiting my aunt and uncle in Biche where I used to spend all my July-August ('summer') vacation time, and this was special because it's been years since I visited. It brought back so many memories and I just felt so loved and remembered that I need to focus on the people that care about me and have all my life even when I don't speak to them or see them regularly. I had several limes ('hang outs') with my cousins, at various locations, the bush limes being the most epic. Climbing trees and not breaking bones will always be memorable. Due to the pandemic, there weren't as many birthday limes as usual but there were a few and for those I'm grateful. I was able to have an amazing birthday this year. I got to see my family, spend the evening with J on the day, and hang out with my friends on the weekend. A bottle of tequila and too many bottles of alcohol were consumed. They stayed all night because of curfew and needless to say, lifetime memories were made. I also had the best Tobago getaway in February with my friends. It was relaxing, and the only getaway I had all year as beaches closed shortly after this trip. I got to see my bestie who no longer lives in T&T for the first time in three years and I'm so grateful for lifetime friends. In between, there were all the special moments that I will always be grateful for like spending time with my mum, my brothers, J, my friends, my family and I'm thankful that they're still around, safe and healthy. I think I also need to be thankful for my own strength and self growth during this period. I truly embraced being alone and being comfortable with myself. I know what I stand for, what my boundaries are, what I deserve and have the mostly unwavering belief that it is all happening for me.

Worst Moments
Well, this was a rough year for the world, and for me as well. In August, I received the worst health news of my life, and suffered the most emotional pain I've ever experienced. Additionally, work life was pretty rough this entire year, but especially the latter part. My anxiety was often off the charts and I truly struggled, and completely broke, while on the surface being my typical high functioning self. I was reminded too often of the mortality of life with persons close to me also getting terrible health news, and there were just so many deaths of persons I knew, and more so by association. It's a fact that everyone had it really rough last year.

A part of this exercise is to make connections between the two lists, and investigate what caused the best and worst moments. I won't lie. This part was hard. My brain literally froze and I needed to take several breaks and let my subconscious process it for a while. It's easy to be happy and have the best moments in the most mundane of experiences. I'm really simple in terms of what makes me happy once I'm already at my baseline happiness level. However, when I'm unhappy, and it takes alot for me to truly be unhappy, then I go into a dark hole. One of the connections I made is that the best moments were spent with the ones I loved, and the worst were when they were no longer a part of my life. This means that too much of my baseline happiness is dependent on others. The reason this is so hard for me to admit is that very few people (less than a handful) have the ability to truly affect my emotions because I'm so particular about who I let into my life and give this power. At some of my best moments, I was surrounded by love because I wanted to be social and around people, and at my worst, I go into hermit mode because I go within to fix me. I actually know that this is better than seeking to mask the issues by keeping constantly busy, and distracted from the problems. However, I think my hermit mode can become too extreme at times and this needs to be better managed.

Day 2: Current vs Ideal Self

This day's exercise was to use two sheets of paper to write down the traits, habits, life of your ideal self vs your current self. Then, the gaps between the two would determine the action plan to becoming your ideal self. I understand why this was split over a few days. It can get pretty heavy doing it all at once.

So, what does my ideal self look like? Well, she's pretty badass, and definitely not an anxiety ridden ball who wants to curl up in bed and hide from the world. I looked at this exercise as what my ideal self showing up in my ideal life situation would look like. This would be someone who wakes up early, well rested, and has a great morning routine where I work out, meditate, journal, and pack a healthy breakfast and lunch for work. I'd dress like a hot boss babe and go to a job that I love and be busy, and productive, and make a difference with staff and bosses that I enjoy working with at a company I'm proud to make a difference at. I would either go for a walk after work, or come home to relax or spend some time on my business goals. This time would be spent in my cozy, clean, clutter free living space that I share with my husband. I'd have a great work life balance where I enjoy every aspect of my life, and I see it as I get to do everything with joy and gratitude, as opposed to trudging through an adulting checklist.

My current self has insomnia and rarely gets more than four hours of consistent sleep. I am constantly exhausted, and anxious. I often roll out of bed, shower and go to work looking quite bedraggled and makeup less with dark circles. I am stressed during the work day and this leads to not being the most productive. I don't mentally check out of work when I leave the office, which means thinking about work tasks even when I'm not physically working on my laptop. I don't have a consistent morning routine mainly due to my poor sleeping habits where I fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning and then struggle to get out of bed, so then all I do is haphazardly get ready for work and dash out the door. I sometimes go for a slow walk after work but it's not consistent. I'm usually so brain dead after working nine hours that I can only mindlessly watch netflix after work. I don't even read very often because my concentration is shot after work. I don't enjoy my evening routine. I don't work on my side businesses and put everything off to the weekend when oftentimes I'm so burnt out I just curl up in a ball in bed or on the couch outside of obligatory errands or social engagements.

What needs to change?
I need to sleep. I need to force myself to get into a proper sleep routine to be able to get six to seven hours of sleep and have a chance at a successful morning routine.

I need to stop being so stressed about work that it adversely affects every aspect of my non-work life.

The first two contribute greatly to my high levels of anxiety, and overall feeling of non-productivity.

It's really nothing more than being a hardass to myself about habits and engaging in them so consistently that they become a way of life.

So, I have to implement the sleep habits, morning routine, better planning and different outlook on work life, and evening routine. I just have to live that ideal life until it sticks.

This correlates perfectly with my Law of Assumption Way of Living that says to live your best life right now, and which was what I planned on implementing anyway.

Day 3: Values Check

What are some of the top 3-5 values we carry and how did we live in accordance with these values this year?

What did you change to embody these values, get rid of?

She linked jamesclear.com/core-values which I actually needed to check out and select the values I truly hold dear to me. These are the ones I want to be a part of my life.

- Connection. I think life is meant to be spent and shared with your tribe. This can be one or many people, but they should be the genuine ones who truly celebrate you and make you better. I started off 2021 really living life as much as possible within the constraints of the pandemic and lockdowns and being safe. I was a hermit who avoided everyone and everything for the latter part of the year. I'm only now getting out of that phase. So I do need to schedule time for these meetings, especially with my older family members who, as much as I don't like to think about it, are getting older, and the last couple years have definitely taught us the uncertainty of life.

- Creativity. My day job might be finance, but I thrive off creative things. I love reading, writing, adventures, and so on. This blog is a key example of that, and continues to be something that needs more consistent love and attention.

- Well-being. As I get older, I want to be healthier. Not just skinny, but I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want a banging body. I do and I will have and maintain that for 2022 and the rest of my life. But, more than that, I want to have a healthy balanced lifestyle with a good mix of exercise and strength training, as well as a regular healthy diet, so when I do have the delicious thousand calorie meals, there's no guilt. I'd say I'm about halfway to this point because the mindset is halfway there and that's the hardest part of the battle. I may not be consistent with either, but now my body craves healthier food and exercise so that makes it easier to put into practice now.

- Self-actualisation. I'm someone that constantly needs to be growing for my own personal sense of achievement. I completed my MBA which I had on hold for a long time, so that was a great achievement. I did not make any progress with the business plans I had, so those need to be rolled over, and put into turbo mode in 2022.

- Happiness & Peace. I thought this was something I was a top A student at until 2021 showed me in no uncertain terms, I'm still a beginner student. So, I continue to persist and learn.

Day 4: Wheel of Life

Visual representation of how you've performed.

Draw a circle, and separate into the below 8 categories:

- Career

- Finances

- Health

- Family & Friends

- Romance

- Personal Development

- Fun & recreation

- Contribution to society

Rate each category from 1-10 by filling/shading it accordingly.

This exercise surprised me by showing me two things. The first was that I felt below par in all categories. The only categories I gave a pass (maybe 6/7) were fun and recreation, romance and personal development. These weren't even high scores. The second was that I view too much of my life as successes and failures and that's where a lot of the issues and feelings of inadequacies arise. This is really interesting because on the surface life can look so great in these categories, but how you truly feel about them is far from that public view.

Day 5: Vision Brainstorming

Imagine it's Dec of 2022. Write down all the things that happened that you're grateful for, happy that you focused on and accomplished, how you're living your life.

This is a good way to figure out what you really want, see it, feel it, and manifest where you will be a year from now.

Start with...It's Dec 2022 and...

I'll just summarize mine here as it's pretty personal and/or repetitive of the other parts of this post.

It's December 2022 and as I look back on this year, it was a year filled with lots of growth. I was able to start and grow my businesses. I love my job. All my relationships are amazing and flourishing. I love my life and I'm so grateful for every aspect of it. My heart is full and I am content.

Day 6: Goodbye 2021

Write goodbye 2021 in the centre of the paper and then write down all the things you want to leave behind in 2021. This can include bad habits, thoughts, jobs, scenarios, lifestyles, worries, people.

The things I'm leaving behind in 2021 include anxiety, procrastination, biting fingernails, insomnia and poor sleeping habits, and the need to control situations and people out of my control.

Day 7: Choose your theme word for 2022

Consider, while looking at previous exercises,

- What do you want more of in 2022?

- How do you want to feel?

- Is there an action word you want to focus on?

- What persona do you want to embrace?

This was hard because I know what I want it to encompass, and no word or phrase exemplified that, except "Queen Energy" so that's my 2022 theme.

It's a focus on being my true, authentic, amazing self, while kicking ass at life.

Day 8: How to support your theme

Write down the theme word for 2022 in the centre of the page and brainstorm practical ways to bring the theme to life.

What experiences do you want to have? Tools, and resources you need access to, purchases, routines, connections, courses, books/podcasts. The exercise was to start with your theme, and build out your goals around it. I used the categories to build out the goals that would then need to be actioned.

Queen Energy - Mindfully enjoying life.

- Career

- Improve leadership skills

- Get better organised

- Find ways to meet deadlines in an easier and more consistent manner.

- Be confident

- Be authentic

- Finances

- Set annual budget

- Track all spending

- Mindful spending vs impuls spending

- Monthly budget vs actual

- Create new sources of income to meet annual target

- Savings challenges

- Learn about crypto and start investing

- Start investing on the foreign stock exchange

- Health

- Eat 3 meals a day (2 healthy)

- Weekly meal prep

- Cook one hot meal a day

- Try new recipes

- Daily walks

- Run a 5k in 29 mins

- Incorporate stretching/yoga

- Exercising, including strength training regularly

- Sleep - 7 hrs minimum

- Include daily servings of veggies and fruit in diet

- Personal Development

- Courses on investing (crypto, stock market)

- Read 100 books - mix of audible and reading

- Research for business ventures

- Fun & recreation

- Try one new food place per month

- Try one new activity/adventure per month

I've started a list in my journal so whenever I see a new place, or activity I want to try, I just add it.

- Relationships

- One date with myself per month

- One date with a friend per month

- Also included specifics for family, mum, grandma, and so on.
- Contribution to society

- Volunteer more. I really need to figure this out, and execute it.

Day 9: Ideal Day

What is the schedule of your ideal day? Be realistic. Not hyper productive. Or unrealistic. Don't set yourself up for failure. How do your days usually go? Find a few areas to implement/swap habits and write out the ideal scenario.

This was a fun exercise, but again highlighted all my weak areas, such as poor sleeping habits that need to be fixed. Writing down your ideal day is one thing, but I need to read it regularly, until I start living it, so I'm going to (try) read this every morning.

Day 10: Vision Board.

I'll be honest, this is still a work in progress for me and I hope to finish it in February 2022. Previously I could have just said ah well...it's too late, better luck next time. Now, I know that there's still 11 months left in 2022 to fully utilise this manifestation tool.

This overall ten day exercise brought up a lot of emotions, but it was really therapeutic, and allowed me to take a proper inventory of the last year, and take the good and the good from the bad of 2021, and consciously know what I need to work on in 2022. I'm truly looking forward to a great year filled with love, health, and prosperity. Queen Energy is in the building. Let's go!

Did you guys do a 2021 wrap up for yourselves? Did you do a 2022 plan?

Light and love always.

#fairytalekindagirl