Goodbye 2020 — Fairytalekindagirl

2020!

Possibly the most hated year in most people's lives?

This year was undoubtedly hard, but does not even rank in my top five worse years of my life. I did go into 2020 saying THIS IS MY YEAR. I said it up to the very last day because you know, all you need is a moment to change your life and all that jazz. I had ALL the horoscope gurus on my side, saying that this was the year for Cancers everywhere, especially in their love life after having several consecutive hard years. So, I was pumped and convinced it would be my year. My theme was Anything Can Happen 2020.

Well...

Was it everything I expected it to be? Let's all just have a nice laugh cry knowing the reality was not what anyone could have predicted.

So, reflection time.

All in all, I had high moments and low moments. The year started off great, with me having a very active Carnival season, attending ten fetes, and playing mas on Carnival Monday and Tuesday. This momentum continued with me having a lovely family birthday dinner celebration on 12th March. Then T&T recorded its first imported Covid-19 case on 13th March, and the panic began with an immediate closure of schools, universities etc. in the first instance for one week. This has been extended from that point and is still ongoing. Immediately, there were calls for a shutdown which came on midnight, 29th March, 2020. There was a government mandated shutdown of all non-essential businesses. This included my company and we stayed closed for two months. I won't go into the details of how I feel about how the situation was and still is being handled, beyond saying it has been handled arrogantly, and poorly, with needless destruction of livelihoods, industries, and the overall economy. There was a break in between where bars and other such places reopened on 22nd June, and stayed open for about a month. Therefore, I was able to have a lovely birthday month in July with mini limes at public places with a few close friends, and a small party at home. From July to December, more restrictions were in place again. Currently, bars have not re-opened, and while in house dining has reopened at restaurants, alcohol is prohibited, with opening hours limited. Like..really? Me having a glass of wine with my meal is a risk to society? Big steups. Beaches, but not rivers, re-opened, also with a closing time of 6pm. The T&T borders have been closed since March and are not expected to re-open until most of the population is vaccinated, so we wait.

Time for some specific areas:

Relationship status:

I do things like climb trees, in spite of being the clumsiest human ever..cuz YOLO.

Still Single. But thanks to Covid-19, this was upgraded to Super Single because how the hell do you meet people? I usually have a very active social life, but even then, meeting new persons is limited. Maybe because it's a constant circle, or maybe it's because Trinidad and its population is tiny. Who knows? I came to hate the term "It will happen in time, and when you least expect it." Bah humbug. I didn't suffer any heartbreak and any year without tabanca is a good year right? But...I didn't even have a crush on anyone this year, so that's a whole other extreme right there. I'm going to do a whole blog post on my dating chronicles (or inability to find dateable prospects) because the experience deserves it. To be honest, I didn't fret about this status too much because it genuinely isn't due to a lack of options. It's due to a lack of viable options. I've become so very clear on what I want in a partner that I really refused to engage in sub-par, non-magic interactions just to pass the time. Some people call it picky, but I just know what I need and honestly the things I am asking for aren't that much, and they're all things I'm bringing to the table so there's unapologetically some non-negotiables. That being said, it was lonely sometimes, especially during peak Covid when businesses were shutdown, and there was working from home, and I was in my apartment alone because I didn't want to risk my parents potentially getting the virus from me, etc. Moving forward, I'm not going to focus on this (as much as my overthinking brain will allow anyways) because I've put it clearly out into the Universe, and I'mma just focus on the things I can control. He will probably literally need to run into me, but hey, if he's for me, he will right? I believe in love. I think love is lovely, and I'm not bitter. So I think I'm doing pretty good in this area.

Academic/Career:

I've made significant progress with my MBA, and I'm going to finish in 2021, and some additional letters after my name is always a bonus.

In terms of work, this year was so very hard. The Covid19 implications on work meant severely diminished revenue, reduced hours, and extra stress. I've always maintained that the hardest part of any job is dealing with the people aspect, and this year took the cake. There were just so many difficult to deal with staff issues, and this with the workload meant that stress and anxiety was high. I love my job, but it was not an easy year. It did unlock a whole new level of experience, and with that the strength to deal with the challenges as they kept coming and piling on. I am genuinely proud of myself for getting through this year, bruised, but with my smile and most of my sanity restored by the end of the year.

Mental Health:

Anxiety and stress were at its peak for most of the year. With this pandemic, since March 2020, there was no real way to relax and destress. Travel is usually when I can completely detach and reset. With this not an option, and the ever lingering fear of catching, or worse passing on the virus to others on the occasions when I did hang out with people, it was often better to just avoid those situations. I also had my first therapist session this year, and tried to have a second but weather, my direction-challenged self and GPS were not on my side and I missed it. I know what my issues and stress points are, and I know the theory of how to get over them as well, but sometimes that's just not enough to be able to put it into practice. I think I'm ending the year on a good, more relaxed note as I made it a priority after my December exams to take it slow. We're at the point in civilised society where we realise that everyone would benefit from therapy sessions, and it’s not still taboo right?

Physical Health:

After fainting for the first time in my life on T&T election day, August 10th, and having a migraine that lasted two weeks, I finally stopped procrastinating on booking that full checkup (blood tests, ECG, gynae visit, etc.) and got it done. I wasn't actually worried because besides the anxiety, stress and some excess covid weight, I thought that I was in good physical and mental health. Well...I got the worst health news of my life, which I'm still processing, and will be for a long time, if not the rest of my life. But...humans are resilient, and we trust and hope and when necessary push it all down, and somehow move forward everyday. So people, do the needful and go get checked out.

5am classes…Carnival motivation is a helluva thing!

Fitness:

I separated health and fitness because I think my fitness journey is more positive. It's still highly inconsistent, but much better than in previous years. I might be inactive for a month or two, but then I jump back on the wagon. I did a seven week bootcamp to prepare for Carnival in January/February. It was Mondays to Fridays from 5-6am, and I went to 98% of my classes, only missing the others because I was sick. It was an amazing experience as you see yourself getting stronger. I didn't continue with the virtual classes in 2020, or venture into a gym for the duration of the year, choosing to do my own thing being a combination of Youtube videos, miscellaneous simple exercises, making use of my elliptical and walk/run/jog/die in outdoor spaces. I signed up for a 100 Mile Challenge from Marathon Training Academy to ensure the last was actually done, and in typical me fashion, I procrastinated but limped my way across the 100th mile on the last day of the challenge, 31st December. Yay me! Looking forward to the 2021 - 300 mile challenge which I already signed up for.

Financial:

Education is expensive! Savings took a hit because of MBA cost, plus Covid caused investments to be nil generating this year. There was no major spending on travel, only a small Tobago trip and concert tickets for a postponed trip. Overall, I'm just very grateful to have had a job and a salary throughout the year, to meet my expenses, and help a few others in whatever small way I could.

Travel:

I came back from Jamaica on 1st January, 2020, so technically I was out of the country in 2020, but really it doesn't count. I had a Boston trip booked to see Taylor Swift in concert which was postponed to 2021, so we'll see how that goes. I did manage to fit in a lovely Tobago weekend in December, and the staycation helped to end the year on a less stressed note.

Family & Friends:
My core family is the best. I love them, but more than that, I genuinely like them, and I'm always grateful to have them in my life. My Day Ones have remained consistent, even though we may not have been able to hang out as much as possible. We were able to be innovative, and have Zoom calls, Zoom Games Nights, and a Netflix Party or two. That being said, I came to terms with the fact that you can love people and accept that they no longer fit into your life. Some people that have been my friends for over ten years just disappointed me with their lack of sensitivity, and growth as humans. However, I'm at the age where I know that's not for me to control, try to change (after many heated conversations), or be upset about anymore. When I love you, I love you and will always want the best for you, and make excuses for your bad behaviour until I can't anymore for my sanity. People are who they choose to be, and the people in my life are who I choose to have in my life. Therefore, only I can control my circle, and by extension, my mental stability. At this age, new friends aren't unwelcome, but they're a rare occurrence. I believe that the Universe sends the people you need into your life at the right time, and at the end of 2020, I can comfortably say that I've added one new friend to my list this year. Likewise, the Universe will remove those people who do not add to your life, and while it may hurt, eventually you'll see it was for the best.

Spiritual Journey:

Grounded, but planning to devote more time and energy to soar in 2021.

Cherished 2020 Memory:

It hurts my heart that people don't have the bare necessity of food, and I wish I could feed everyone so no one ever goes hungry. All I really wanted for my birthday this year was to give back, so I asked my parents to help me organise a breakfast at the San Fernando Centre for Displaced Persons. If you know me, my schedule is always insane, but my parents just ran with it, and did the grocery runs, the ordering, and mum got up at 3am to organise the food and pack it to take it down to the Centre. I'm glad I got to share the experience of distributing the meals with my parents and aunt. People always say that doing good makes you feel good. Honestly, it is always a heart-breaking experience for me, and I need a while to recoup from the emotions, but it is a reminder of how much I have, and the responsibility I have to do more. If you're interested in sponsoring a meal, you can message the page on Facebook, or message me for further details on how I went about it.

Looking forward:

For 2021, my theme is to Just Be. I'm letting go of any expectations that are out of my control. I'm going to continue working extremely hard at my job, my side hustles, and make relaxation a priority. Oh, and I'm aiming to run a 5k in under thirty minutes. 29 minutes 59 seconds works for me, because I can't seem to break through this 40 minute time....probably because I'm never consistent with my training, but 2021 for that! I really want to lose that pesky extra 10-15 lbs, while getting stronger and fitter. I plan on re-focusing on the blog, which means engaging in a lot more experiences. I've been blessed, and I need to share some of that with those that are struggling. I'm going to focus more on showing the people in my life how much I appreciate them. I'm at a point in my life where I love my life, I love my body, and I love who I am as a person. There's growth to occur, but the plan is to simply enjoy the process, and all aspects of my life, as I continue to move forward in light and love.

How was your 2020?

Any 2021 plans?

Let me know here or on the Facebook Page, or my Instagram Page.

#fairytalekindagirl

Hi.

Jan 7 Goodbye 2020

Hi.

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